my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
