I can feel you judging me through the phone.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
