i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
