i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We need to get me chipped asap
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
