I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
