look no pants
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
