Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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