Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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