Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am