You just made me feel so damn special
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
