Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(615): View more from Tennessee

my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.

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(615): my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap. http://tfl.nu/2c94

Replies (27) Good night (4316) Bad night (827)
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(303): View more from Colorado

I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.

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(303): I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer. http://tfl.nu/pliu

Replies (18) Good night (1528) Bad night (4363)
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(931): View more from Tennessee

just woke up in my neighbors garage.

(931): View more from Tennessee

scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.

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(931): just woke up in my neighbors garage. (931): scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage. http://tfl.nu/x40j

Replies (21) Good night (9518) Bad night (1411)
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(410): View more from Maryland

I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.

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(410): I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night. http://tfl.nu/medf

Replies (13) Good night (4388) Bad night (1253)
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(727): View more from Florida

Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"

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(727): Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore" http://tfl.nu/cs3y

Replies (16) Good night (5057) Bad night (1105)
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(240): View more from Maryland

We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.

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(240): We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course. http://tfl.nu/y9iu

Replies (56) Good night (16407) Bad night (1598)
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(802): View more from Vermont

Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?

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(802): Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok? http://tfl.nu/nera

Replies (19) Good night (4553) Bad night (953)
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(+61): View more from Australia

I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"

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(+61): I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer" http://tfl.nu/7qtl

Replies (11) Good night (2788) Bad night (602)
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(979): View more from Texas

He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.

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(979): He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon. http://tfl.nu/z7tj

Replies (10) Good night (848) Bad night (2108)
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(937): View more from Ohio

How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.

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(937): How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold. http://tfl.nu/0xc1

Replies (14) Good night (2838) Bad night (721)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it

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(+44): I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it http://tfl.nu/yi0x

Replies (7) Good night (1281) Bad night (738)
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(410): View more from Maryland

There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?

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(410): There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him? http://tfl.nu/lo67

Replies (20) Good night (714) Bad night (1033)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.

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(603): Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you. http://tfl.nu/ssin

Replies (4) Good night (1208) Bad night (550)
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(207): View more from Maine

I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...

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(207): I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor... http://tfl.nu/nzpk

Replies (2) Good night (883) Bad night (567)
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(415): View more from California

Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?

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(415): Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do? http://tfl.nu/y25e

Replies (4) Good night (215) Bad night (522)

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