Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.