Texts From Last Night

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  (916): View more from California

  You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil

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  (916): You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil http://tfl.nu/tid3
  Replies (5) Good night (949) Bad night (486)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.

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  (503): Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck. http://tfl.nu/nubl
  Replies (11) Good night (673) Bad night (1387)
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  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...

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  (339): so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning... http://tfl.nu/swvs
  Replies (40) Good night (577) Bad night (2600)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.

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  (513): Oh no, it isn't official until she poops. http://tfl.nu/gc75
  Replies (20) Good night (778) Bad night (3519)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.

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  (972): Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip. http://tfl.nu/klsb
  Replies (50) Good night (629) Bad night (6848)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.

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  (419): we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it. http://tfl.nu/duoc
  Replies (37) Good night (3474) Bad night (4722)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.

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  (773): After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in. http://tfl.nu/8v36
  Replies (11) Good night (1474) Bad night (2755)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.

  (1-616): View more from Michigan

  Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!

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  (616): He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science. (1-616): Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world! http://tfl.nu/0fvx
  Replies (10) Good night (5079) Bad night (870)
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  (707): View more from California

  I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.

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  (707): I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched. http://tfl.nu/zef2
  Replies (5) Good night (747) Bad night (1439)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea

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  (317): For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea http://tfl.nu/lnc6
  Replies (8) Good night (527) Bad night (1675)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice

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  (505): pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice http://tfl.nu/a73k
  Replies (7) Good night (1037) Bad night (473)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.

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  (864): I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide. http://tfl.nu/p1xg
  Replies (7) Good night (1004) Bad night (365)
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  (596): View more from

  Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.

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  (596): Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop. http://tfl.nu/tzap
  Replies (3) Good night (683) Bad night (252)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one

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  (306): he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one http://tfl.nu/3jlh
  Replies (2) Good night (508) Bad night (308)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.

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  (401): Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house. http://tfl.nu/mj8z
  Replies (0) Good night (466) Bad night (230)

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