Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.