Texts From Last Night

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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.

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  (256): Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload. (1-256): That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man. http://tfl.nu/ruio
  Replies (41) Good night (2710) Bad night (693)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis

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  (734): turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis http://tfl.nu/zgff
  Replies (64) Good night (7943) Bad night (761)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed

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  (336): i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed http://tfl.nu/dxga
  Replies (20) Good night (5039) Bad night (1164)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar

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  (917): you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar http://tfl.nu/kodl
  Replies (29) Good night (7064) Bad night (737)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.

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  (303): It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence. http://tfl.nu/6jog
  Replies (22) Good night (8486) Bad night (1408)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.

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  (908): Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks. http://tfl.nu/ltgr
  Replies (11) Good night (5399) Bad night (1695)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.

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  (319): We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like. http://tfl.nu/8dbs
  Replies (10) Good night (3210) Bad night (1316)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.

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  (319): We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world. http://tfl.nu/rh6u
  Replies (12) Good night (2767) Bad night (1536)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.

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  (806): Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this. http://tfl.nu/yv7f
  Replies (3) Good night (650) Bad night (1819)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.

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  (616): All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good. http://tfl.nu/bkrn
  Replies (2) Good night (3433) Bad night (670)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.

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  (662): Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well. http://tfl.nu/ilv0
  Replies (3) Good night (1160) Bad night (554)
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  (760): View more from California

  Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself

  (760): View more from California

  Though I typed a half of that one

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  (760): Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself (760): Though I typed a half of that one http://tfl.nu/upbv
  Replies (7) Good night (752) Bad night (316)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in

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  (484): he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in http://tfl.nu/1zjs
  Replies (2) Good night (458) Bad night (246)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN

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  (406): I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN http://tfl.nu/6se9
  Replies (1) Good night (229) Bad night (561)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?

  (727): View more from Florida

  Oh god...probably.

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  (309): Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping? (727): Oh god...probably. http://tfl.nu/m37j
  Replies (3) Good night (987) Bad night (422)

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