what if I'm pregnant?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.