tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.