At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
