people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
