.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
