WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
