hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
