I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Ketchup is God's man juice
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
