i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
