I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
