so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
