Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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