dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
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I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
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You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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