you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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