you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
