and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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