idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
