I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
