my shit smells like andre
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
