dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Holy sore nipples Batman
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
