Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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