There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
