On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
