And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
