Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
