good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
