And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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