just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
