I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
