Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Randomize