Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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