This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We have started to decorate penises.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
