Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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