Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
