Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
it hurts more in the daytime
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
