i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
