you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
