Jerry, you need to find god
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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