just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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