You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
