Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
