There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
