I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
