So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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