He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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