Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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