Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
