You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
it's great music for shaving your balls
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
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