Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Every concussion has its silver lining
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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