Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize