Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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