My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
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