I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
