I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
