why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
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I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
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Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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