I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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