Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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