My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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