What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
