i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
