my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
