Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Randomize
