i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
